Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

Posted by: OhMyGov! | 05:48 AM

Taking the next step to remain profitable, Ford unveils its new vision for the future of Automobiles for the US.  An innovative concept vehicle that meets the needs of all Americans.  The car for the modern age the: 1993 Taurus.

Also Funny:

[+] The week's 10 best political jokes — November 6, 2009

[+] 17 'Nay' votes as House congratulates N.Y. Yankees on World Serie

[+] 5 Top Stories We're Not Covering ... and Why

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The week's 10 best political jokes — November 6, 2009

Posted by: OhMyGov! | 05:36 AM

10. "The only opponent to Afghan President Hamid Karzai has backed out of the planned recount. He's not going to be in the race. He says he wants to spend more time with his family and not get killed." -Jay Leno

9. "Reporters are saying President Obama has been skipping meals lately, and now photographs show he has lost a lot of weight. Folks, if this is true, then maybe Obama really has lost touch with the American people." -Conan O'Brien

8. "Some pictures of President Obama posted on the internet seem to show the President looking very thin. ... They say he looks too thin, but White House docs say not to worry, Barack Obama's one of those guys who can eat whatever he wants and still not gain weight. Yet another reason for Rush Limbaugh to hate him." -Jay Leno

7. "Former President Bush is in Japan, and he was met with protesters carrying signs that said, 'Arrest Bush' and 'Bush is a war criminal.' Yeah. When he saw the signs, Bush said, 'Thanks for making me feel at home. Appreciate it.'" -Conan O'Brien

6. "The Pentagon announced today, they have given the swine flu vaccines to every detainee at Guantanamo Bay. The detainees were like, 'Hey, whatever happened to closing this place?'" -Jimmy Fallon

5. "A year ago today, Barack Obama was elected president. It's been a year, can you believe that? Yeah. A lot's happened. Yeah. In one short year, Obama's slogan has gone from, 'Yes, we can,' to 'Wow, this is freakin' hard.'" -Conan O'Brien

4. "Now, why is there a swine flu vaccine shortage? You ever notice in this country, we never seem to run out of illegal drugs. You know, we should pay the guys who make crystal meth to start making this stuff." -Jay Leno

3.  "On Saturday night, the President and Mrs. Obama had a couple thousand kids at the White House and instead of candy, they gave out dried fruit. That's great. You go to the White House, you stand in a security line for three hours, they give you a bag of prunes?" -Jimmy Kimmel

2. "Hey, the health caree bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

1. "According to a report on Edmunds.com, the real cost of the Cash for Clunkers program was $24,000 per car. Every car that was traded in cost us, the taxpayers, $24,000. How many would have rather kept your old car, just get a check for 20 grand from the government?" --Jay Leno

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5 Top Stories We're Not Covering ... and Why

Breaking news that doesn't need fixing

Posted by: Mark Malseed | 03:53 PM

We can't cover every story out there, much as we try. But the least we can do is let you know we are paying attention to breaking news across the government sphere, and to explain our choices for bypassing these big stories. 

5. Unemployment rate in U.S. tops 10%
Not to worry — at this rate, a lot of jobs will be opening up in Congress in 2010

4. Levi Johnston Posing in Playgirl magazine
Of all the people in the Sarah Palin saga we'd like to see naked, he's not one of them

3. Cheney unable to recall pivotal details about CIA leak in 2004 FBI interview
Actually, we can't recall why we decided not to cover this. It was way back on, like, Tuesday.

2. Wacky website of N.C. House candidate makes waves
Is his platform a return to 1950s-era traditional values or 1994-era Web values?

1. Bloomberg reelected as mayor of New York City
Now if Steinbrenner would only learn that money can indeed buy success!

And on a tragic note:

Horror at Ft. Hood: Nothing we can say except to express sympathy to the families and friends for the loss of their loved ones

(with a hat tip to Evan Morier)

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17 'Nay' votes as House congratulates N.Y. Yankees on World Series

We say, "Only 17?"

Posted by: Mark Malseed | 02:22 PM

A resolution in the House of Representatives to recognize the New York Yankees for winning the 2009 World Series passed easily this afternoon, but fell short of a shutout victory as 17 members of Congress voted Nay on the ceremonial bill. Another 30 members either voted Present or fully abstained from the Friday afternoon vote, unable to bring themselves to honor the guys in pinstripes.

Philadelphia-area lawmakers were for the most part good losers, though Rep. Allyson Schwartz of Pennsylvania's 13th Congressional district and Jon Adler in New Jersey's 3rd district, across the river from the City of Brotherly Love, both gave the bill a giant X. Other no votes and abstentions came from all corners of the nation (Red Sox Nation, perhaps), and really, I understand the impulse. But as a Philly native, I also have to say: "do unto others." I just can't condone the actions of elected officials who would vote no on a ceremonial bill honoring a great achievement like this. Much better would be to do away with these meaningless, time-wasting bills entirely. And I'm not just saying that because Ryan Howard couldn't hit a football through most of the series.

No, if you take a good look at the resolution language below, and keep in mind the wars we're fighting, the health care reform that is needed, and the countless other matters of urgency that our lawmakers are charged with handling on our behalf (in between Congressional recesses), you'll see that statements like "Whereas this year the Yankees opened a new stadium and hope to emulate the success achieved in the ‘House that Ruth Built’" don't really belong in the Congressional record. Or should I say, "the House that George Washington built."

Here's the full roll call from GovTrack.

Map from GovTrack.us

RESOLUTION

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The week's 10 best political jokes — October 30, 2009

Posted by: OhMyGov! | 05:32 AM

10. "Washington Democrats unveiled their new 2,000-page health care reform bill today. It would guarantee health coverage for 96% of Americans. The other 4% would be given bus tickets to Canada." –Jay Leno

9. "Did you hear this? President Obama has approved a new plan to pay members of the Taliban to switch sides and support the United States. Yeah, in a related story, 10 million unemployed Americans just joined the Taliban." –Conan O'Brien

8. "Speaking of former President Bush, he gave a motivational speech in Florida yesterday. Bush spoke for half an hour and said he 'just hopes' his 'words were inspirationistic.'" –Jimmy Fallon

7. "In a new book, President Obama's former campaign manager said that because of Bill Clinton, Hillary was not chosen as Obama's running mate. Yeah, Hillary was very mad at Bill, and in fact, to punish him, she made him move from the couch to their bed." –Jimmy Fallon

6. "Former President George W. Bush is busy. That's right. He's going to India tomorrow to give a speech. Yep. The speech will be entitled, 'Hey, which of you snake charmers is going to fix my computer?'" –Conan O'Brien

5. "Now everybody's fine, but CNN's Lou Dobbs recently had to call the police because someone fired shots at his home. Yeah. Dobbs said he didn't see or hear the shooter, but described him as Hispanic." –Conan O'Brien

4. "In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn't sell his soul, which is true. He rented it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it's totally different." –Jay Leno

3. "And an auditor found rampant fraud in the government's first-time home buyers program. The auditor found that starter home money even went to 4-year-olds. Imagine that. Four-year-olds got a home loan, which is good news for Jon and Kate's kids because now they can get their own place. Don't have to deal with those two idiots anymore." –Jay Leno

2. "An MSNBC anchor, Contessa Brewer, made an embarrassing mistake on the air last week. She called Jesse Jackson, 'Al Sharpton.' Even worse than that, after he told her, 'I'm Jesse Jackson,' she said, 'Are you the one that's between Jermaine and Tito?'"–Jay Leno

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