1. "John McCain became confused this week when asked by the media how many homes he owned, stating that he'd get back to them with an answer. Reporters then toned down the interrogating questions, asking McCain questions he could then answer true or false. One reporter remarked: 'he really is Bush III'" --The OhMyGov! Team
2. Government Math:
Pythagorean theorem: 24 words.
Archimedes' Principle: 67 words.
The 10 Commandments: 179 words.
The Gettysburg Address: 286 words.
The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.
The US Government regulations on the sale of cabbage: 26,911 words.
3.
Hillary Clinton went for her annual exam. After the exam, the OB-GYN told her that she was pregnant, and in great shape. Hillary couldn't believe the news and stormed out of the office. She rushed to her limo and picked up the phone to call the Oval Office.
"You got me pregnant!
How could you be so careless?" There is a silence on the other end. Finally, she hears Bill's voice.
"Who is this?''
4. Government Employment
Once upon a time the government had a vast
scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night; so
they created a night watchman, GS-4 position, and hired a person for the job.
Then Congress said, "How does the
watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning division and
hired two (2) people, one person to write the instructions (GS-12) and one person to do
time studies (GS-11).
Then Congress said, "How will we know
the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a quality control
(QC) division and hired two (2) people, one (GS-9) to do the studies and one (GS-11) to
write the reports.
Then Congress said, "How are these
people going to get paid?" So they created a payroll division with a time keeper
(GS-9) and a payroll officer (GS-11), and hired two (2) people.
Then Congress said, "Who will be
accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative division and
hired three (3) people: an Admin Officer (GM-13), Assistant Admin Officer (GS-13), and a
Legal Secretary (GS-8).
Then, one year later, Congress reviewed the
operation of the desert scrap yard and said, "We have had this command in operation
for one year and we are $18,000 over budget. We must cut back overall costs!" So they
eliminated the night watchman.
5. "The Illinois state
legislature passed a bill this week that bans
cyber-bullying: the act of abusing and threatening others with words
over the Internet or text messages. Apparently the bill was written to
get Obama to stop belittling his former colleagues in the Illinois
legislature with Twitter updates about how great he is and how much
they suck for still being in the Illinois state legislature." --The
OhMyGov! Team
6. Two Candidates
Two candidates for political office
inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallys in the same park of a small New
England town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through
the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened
and it began to rain.
One of the candidates fled to take shelter
in a nearby restaurant along with half a dozen regulars. The other candidate, however,
continued to move through the crowd - shaking hands, kissing babies, etc.
"That man's persistence yonder,"
observed one of the natives, "sure makes it easy to know who to vote for."
"Yep," another native agreed.
"Sure can't see myself casting a vote for a man who hasn't the good sense to come in
out of the rain."
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The week's best political jokes - 8/15/08
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The week's best political jokes - 8/8/08
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