1. "Bill Clinton has already promised to be at the Democratic convention. He figures since the convention's being held in Denver, he can join the Mile High Club without ever leaving the ground." --Jay Leno

2. "On FOX News the other day, Jesse Jackson said some pretty nasty things about Barack Obama. … I'm paraphrasing: 'He would like to cut his testicles off.' … Well today Hillary Clinton commented on the remarks by saying, 'I don't know what the big deal is. I say that to Bill at least once a week.'" --Jay Leno

3. "Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their lovechild." --Jay Leno

4."The Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

5."Barack Obama is campaigning very hard, going everywhere these days to get the vote out. Barack Obama's staff recently announced that Barack is planning to hold a campaign event at a NASCAR race. Yeah. The event will be called 'Meet your first black guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

6. "This is what I love about America. According to a new report, after people started getting their government stimulus checks in the mail, internet porn sites had a 30% increase. You know what that means? People use their stimulus package to stimulate their packages." --Jay Leno

7. "Here's a comment many people are calling racist, this is a stupid thing to say, it seems a Republican party operative, a man named Grover Norquist, told the LA Times that Barack Obama was just John Kerry with a tan. That's what he said, stupid thing, that's what he said. Well using that logic, if Barack Obama is John Kerry with a tan, then John McCain is George Bush with an enlarged prostate." --Jay Leno

8. "John Kerry is now criticizing John McCain. Kerry says McCain does not have the judgment to be president. I don't think that's true, I mean McCain had the good judgment not to accept Kerry's offer to be his running mate in 2004. That shows pretty good judgment right there!" --Jay Leno

9. A new law went into effect in New York yesterday that allows wineries to start wine tastings at 10 a.m. on Sundays.  Prior to the new law, wineries could sell wine to customers but could not offer taste tests before noon.  NY advocates of the new law stated they can't wait to get drunk and obnoxious New Yorkers on the roads earlier in the day. --Anonymous

10.  The House held a hearing about the formaldehyde-laden trailers used to house Hurricane Katrina victims this week while at the same time sending new trailers to flood victims in Indiana.  State and federal officials have promised the new trailers won't be toxic.  If they are, FEMA workers will likely have a new headquarters - a 15,000-strong formaldehyde-laden trailer park in Southern Louisiana. --The OhMyGov! Team