"This week, Barack Obama, true story, campaigned on an Indian reservation and the tribal chief adopted him. Yeah, the Indians actually prefer Obama to John McCain, because they still remember when McCain took their land." –Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama got a big endorsement this week from Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia, a former KKK member.  Apparently Byrd saw Obama dancing badly one night and concluded that he must just be a really tan white guy."  --The OhMyGov! Team

"While campaigning in Kentucky, Hillary Clinton stopped at a drugstore and bought a pair of reading glasses. It's true. Yeah, then she picked up a newspaper and said, 'Holy crap, I got to drop out of this race.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said in an interview that he gave up golf in 2003 in support of the troops, because he thought playing golf during a war just sends the wrong message. He said instead, he's going to start playing the Grand Theft Auto video game." --The OhMyGov! Team

"Barack Obama is going after John McCain. In a speech today, Barack Obama accused John McCain of trying to bankrupt social security. That's what he said, yeah. Yeah, not by voting against it, just by collecting it for 80 years." --Conan O'Brien

"The [CA] Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on gay marriage. Man, you thought it was bad for single women before. All the good ones are either gay or married. Now they're gay and married." --Jay Leno