"Even though she won yesterday, Hillary Clinton's campaign is now $10 million in debt. $10 million in debt, and, ironically, her big issue: 'I can handle the economy.'" --Jay Leno

"Bush was on 'Deal or No Deal.' Apparently he didn't feel he was ready for 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?'" --David Letterman

"No one talks about John McCain anymore because he won his side of the thing, and now he's just wandering around. … So he's trying to do things to get press, this week John McCain is on a tour of what he calls 'Forgotten Places in America.' Forgotten places, yeah. Which, at his age, means just about everywhere." --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary, she went all out. She pulled out all the stops to win in the state of Pennsylvania. The other day, this is true, Chelsea Clinton tried to help her mother attract the gay vote in Pennsylvania by visiting several lesbian bars. And Bill Clinton visited several lesbian bars, too, but he wasn't campaigning. He was actually just there anyway." --Conan O'Brien

"McCain came out this week with a list of 20 possible running mates. He would not reveal the names of all of them, but he said they all share certain traits, like knowing CPR. He said he wants someone who is ready take over on day two." --Bill Maher