"It was a great night for John McCain. In fact, all is going just perfectly for John McCain until today when President Bush endorsed him for president. All that hard work right down the drain. The truth is, McCain asked President Bush to endorse him. I'm starting to think that maybe the guy likes torture." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Hillary Clinton is back in the hunt for the Democratic nomination. She won do-or-die primaries in Ohio, Rhode Island, and Texas last night. A lot of people thought she would be done today, but just like Bill always says, Hillary does not go down without a fight." --Jimmy Kimmel

"So how did the final four fare in last night's crucial Texas and Ohio primaries? Perhaps the opening words from their speeches tell the tale. Sure, each scene looked festive, but is it? Let's start with Hillary Clinton [on screen: HRC saying, 'This nation is coming back, and so is this campaign']. I swear to God, I'm starting to think she's one of those Terminators. She can't be stopped. You throw them in the vat, you think it's over, and all of a sudden, the little droplets start to recoagulate, and she rises up -- I won Ohio!" --Jon Stewart