1. "A Republican politician from Idaho has endorsed Barack Obama. The last time a Republican switched sides was in an airport men's room." --Craig Ferguson

2. "Democrats are furious, they're going on record now saying John Edwards will not be allowed to speak at the convention because of this affair. Yeah, instead speaking in his place: Bill Clinton. You have to put your foot down." --Jay Leno

3. "President Bush spent the week in China watching the Olympics. All the while, he was taunting former President Bill Clinton - who was not in China - by snapping and sending cell phone pictures of women's volleyball players." --The OhMyGov! Team 

4. "According to rumors, John McCain and Barack Obama are trying to get Angelina Jolie's endorsement for the campaign, and John Edwards is just trying to get her number." --Craig Ferguson

5. "A lot of people have said a guy who can't use a computer is the wrong person for the White House. Last time I checked, the president only needs to know how to press one button. And now comes proof that McCain has learned to use a computer, because evidently, he has plagiarized from the internet. Congressional Quarterly reported this week that John McCain may have copied some facts in a recent speech on the Georgian crisis from Wikipedia. I think it should have been obvious when he referred to the country's leader as President 404 Error: File Not Found." --Stephen Colbert

6. "If you vote for Obama, your penis is only as big as a tire gauge. If you vote for McCain, your penis is the size of a mighty oil rig." --Total Fark

7. "The Department of Homeland Security decided to crack down hard on their application process to prevent those convicted of crimes from obtaining a government job. The new policy requires hiring officials to "Google" the names of applicants to find out if they had ever been in trouble with the law. To test the policy, I Googled my own name, only to find the top search result "Naked Happy Girls," an erotic photography book created by a New York-based Andrew Einhorn. Rock solid policy DHS." --The other Andrew Einhorn

 

 

Read More: 

A jab at fiscally conservative presidents
The week's best political jokes - 8/8/08
Paris Hilton issues video retort to McCain's Obama-Paris political ad
DHS to use Google as background check for new hires

 

Source: Steve Greenberg, Ventura County Star, Calif.
posted with permission

1. "Paris Hilton's mother is very upset because John McCain has put Paris in his campaign video. You know about this? He put Paris in his campaign video, and she's furious. Isn't that amazing? Of all the videos Paris Hilton has been in, this is the one mom's upset about?" --Jay Leno

2. "This week, a new poll concluded that voters are expressing "Obama Fatigue" from hearing about Obama in the the news too often. Please don't confuse this with McCain Fatigue, which happens at about 4pm, after the Senator eats dinner and pudding." --The OhMyGov! Team 

3. "Obama Fatgue has set in with voters, according to a new poll by the Pew Research Center. Allegedly, Pew just kept running the poll, which asked whether people are sick of hearing about Obama, until people really became sick of hearing about Obama." --The OhMyGov! Team

4. "The McCain campaign is running that commercial where they're comparing Barack Obama to various Hollywood celebrities. And as you know, if there's one thing the Republicans will not stand for, it's electing some Hollywood celebrity to public office. Except for Ronald Reagan, Fred Thompson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Clint Eastwood -- you know, except for those." --Jay Leno

5. "You ever notice that Congress doesn't even call it a vacation? You know what they call it? A recess. You ever notice the only people that get recess are Congress, kindergarten and juries? Those are the only three." --Jay Leno

6. "Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

7. "There's excitement in the air over the Olympics...also lead, arsenic, benzene." --David Letterman

8. "Thank you for the tire gauge Senator McCain.  And good work, you stuck it to all the left wing nut jobs who advocate proper tire inflation.  Radical liberals like your potential vice-presidential nominee Florida Governor Charlie Crist, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Joe Lieberman, AAA, and the pinkos over at NASCAR." --Steven Colbert 

More Jokes:

Paris Hilton issues video retort to McCain's Obama-Paris political ad
The week's best political jokes - 8/1/08
Funny McCain campaign picture floating around democratic email inboxes
Hilarious political widget to prank your friends with
The week's best political jokes - 7/25/08
Bush vs. Clinton

In an effort to incite questions as to Barak Obama's leadership abilities, the McCain campaign issued a highly negative and discussed political ad comparing Obama's celebrity to that of Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. 

 

An outraged, tongue-in-cheek Paris Hilton responded to the ad this week with her own video, in which she criticizes McCain and makes fun of herself all in the framework of the typical political ad.

1. "A new McCain ad compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.  Apparently, Obama fired back by comparing McCain to George Burns and The Mummy." --The OhMyGov! Team

.

2. "McCain is not backing down. He's defending the commercial, where he compared Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, as being 'all talk and little action.' That's what he said. Like Paris, Barack Obama is all talk and little action. Really? Has he seen her sex video? There is no talk. It is all action." --Jay Leno

3. "Demeaning Obama is not why this is a dick move by McCain. It's a dick move by McCain because one of the fine young ladies featured in this ad (on screen: photo of Paris Hilton)…her parents, the Hiltons, contributed $4,600, the maximum you can contribute, to the campaign of none other than John McCain. John McCain is saying to the Hiltons, 'I thank you kindly for your support. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a nationally televised dump on your daughter.'" --Jon Stewart

4. "Barack Obama gave a speech in Germany and 200,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France surrendered just in case." --Craig Ferguson

5. "Insiders say Hillary was never on Obama's VP list. Obama felt it would have been too much to put her on the ticket. Bad enough to worry about Jesse cutting them off, didn't want to worry about Hillary breaking them, too. You know what I'm saying?" --Jay Leno

6. "Then this morning, the senator paid a visit to the Western Wall, one of the holiest sites in Judaism, where he followed the custom of putting a message into one of the wall's crevices. It's typically a prayer God. Through my connections, I managed to get a hold of Obama's prayer. It reads, 'Dear God, Please protect my nuts from Jesse Jackson.' " --Stephen Colbert

7. "Barack Obama says that next month he's planning on spending a week on vacation in Hawaii. When he heard this, President Bush said, 'Pace yourself, because once you become president, the vacations start coming fast and furious.'" --Conan O'Brien

8. "According to the TV show 'Extra,' former vice president Dan Quayle (e.g. Mr. potato), is in the running to join the cast of 'Dancing with the Stars.' This is true. Apparently he tried out for the show "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" but failed to make the cut." --The OhMyGov! Team

9. "Yesterday, the United Nations announced that it will increase the interior temperature of their 39-story office headquarters in New York City by 5 degrees Fahrenheit, pushing the temperature to 77 degrees. What better way to make sure 4,500 people of varying cultural and political backgrounds work cohesively and without conflict than to cram them all into a building and crank up the heat!" --The OhMyGov! Team

10. "There's a lot of what they call buzz going around in the blogosphere right now that Barack Obama will choose the Governor of Virginia, this guy Tim Kaine, to be his running mate. Officially Obama hasn't said anything, all they say is that he's narrowed the pool of candidates down to 'Not Hillary.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

 

 

Below is a spoof video that anybody can create to really confused their friends into thinking they have made a bid for President.  It is a very well produced, clever marketing tool for promoting Paltalk, a video chat service. 

All you do is plug in your own name when prompted and the service automatically produces the following video - hilarious!

Keep track of what the Government's lost track of with OhMyGov's exclusive Lost & Found Map.

Click any point to get details about the Government's missing laptops, hard drives, firearms, VA records, and much more. Find out where it was last seen, who's affected, and where to call if you happen to discover the missing goods. (Rewards available in some cases!)

 

View Larger Map

1. "It was kind of surprising; they really love Obama in Germany. He's like a rock star over there. It's impressive until you realize that David Hasselhoff is also like a rock star over there." --Jimmy Kimmel

2. "Hey, did you see Barack Obama playing basketball with our troops in Iraq? Did you see that one shot he made from 40 feet? 40 feet. Let me tell you something. If shooting baskets now is a requirement to be president, a white guy may never have that job again." --Jay Leno

3. "A lot of people think, to take some of the spotlight off of Barack Obama, that John McCain will announce his vice presidential choice this week. And most think it's going be Mitt Romney. See, I don't know. You know, when Romney and McCain stand together, doesn't it look like one of those slick Countrywide lenders trying to trick your grandfather into reverse mortgage?" --Jay Leno

4. "Barack Obama was in Israel today. Did you see Barack wearing the traditional Jewish yarmulke? He looked very Jewish. Yeah. In fact, Jesse Jackson said, I'd like to circumcise him." --Jay Leno

5. "NBC News defended their coverage of Barack Obama. They've been accused of giving him more favorable treatment than John McCain. And today NBC News denied it. They said, 'That's ridiculous, we've never even heard of John McCain.'" --Jay Leno

6. "Eighty-one year old Senator John Warner (R-VA) recently suggested that the nation reexamine a 55-mph national speed limit to conserve gas. Apparently, John McCain opposes the idea. Instead, he's suggested we reinvigorate the transportation model of his generation: the horse and buggy."  --The OhMyGov! Team

7. Obama visited German this week.  For the most part, his trip was viewed as a success, but Fox and Friends worried about the venue chosen by Obama, the footsteps of a monument linked to Adolph Hitler.  To that, Jon Stewart responded: "Monumnt linked to Hitler; he's in Germany.  You know how a lot of things in this country can be linked to Kevin Bacon. In Germany, it's Hitler. And it doesn't take six steps.  Hey look, Obama's in a Volkswagen, a car linked to Hitler!"

More Jokes: 

The week's best political jokes -7/18/08
The week's best jokes - 7/11/08
The week's best jokes - 6/27/08
The Week's Best Political Jokes - 6/20/08

Also Interesting: 

13-year-old girl drives off with police van
The Federal Promotion Cocktail
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Dangers of Following Bible

 A 13-year-old girl led police on a chase from Lynwood, IL to Chicago on Thursday afternoon after stealing a prisoner transport van returning her to the south suburb from Parke County, Ind..

"Somehow, the young lady got a hold of the van and took off, Lynwood police Sgt. Greg Szymanski said.

The chase ended on I-94 westbound near 87th street, Illinois State Police Master Sgt. Luis Gutierrez said. She was apprehended about 1:40 p.m. by Sauk Village and Lynwood police, he said.

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