10. Things Only Found in America
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
5. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
9. "Earlier today, John McCain was in the news. John McCain gave his first
press conference since the election. And he said, 'For a lot of people,
Sarah Palin was an energizing factor during the campaign.'
Unfortunately for McCain, those people are called Democrats." --Conan
O'Brien
8. "Well, right after Barack Obama won,
TV cameras caught Jesse Jackson with tears
in his eyes. Not because Barack won, because now he'll never get the chance to cut off his balls." --The OhMyGov! Team
7. "Hillary Clinton's
campaign right now, this very minute, is $20 million in debt. Now, when
she gets that 3 a.m. call, it's from a collection agency." --David
Letterman
6. The Federal Promotion Cocktail
5. "Spitzer was a lot more fun and a lot easier to say, too. Yeah, when former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer
heard about Governor Blagojevich, he said, 'Hey, you call that a
scandal? No, I don't think so. At least when a New York governor goes
down, he has some fun on the way. '" --David Letterman
4. "Paris Hilton's mother is very upset because John McCain has put Paris in his campaign video.
You know about this? He put Paris in his campaign video, and she's
furious. Isn't that amazing? Of all the videos Paris Hilton has been
in, this is the one mom's upset about?" --Jay Leno
3. "This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the MILF." –Bill Maher
2. "Barack Obama gave a speech in Germany and 200,000 people showed up.
There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France
surrendered just in case." --Craig Ferguson
1. The George W Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages.
You'll want to be the first at your corporation to make a contribution
to this great man's legacy.
The Library will include:
1. The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
2. The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you can't remember anything.
3. The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't have to even show up.
4. The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
5. The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
6. The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room (which no one has been able to find).
7.
The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you
go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.
8. The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shooting gallery.
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