10. "Former Illinois Gov. Rod
Blagojevich was sentenced to 14 years in prison. This is the most disgraceful
thing to happen to an Illinois governor since their last governor." –Jay
Leno
9. "Donald Trump is hosting a
debate in Iowa, but so far Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum are the only
presidential candidates to RSVP. Rick Santorum actually requested a plus one —
you know, so he could bring all of his supporters." –Jimmy Fallon
8. "This is kind of scary. This
was in the paper today; according to the new federal guidelines if you've had
sex with more than one person in the past year, you might be 'too promiscuous
to be an organ donor.' More bad news for Herman Cain." –Jay Leno
7. "Newt Gingrich met with Donald
Trump yesterday. There's a good combination – two guys, 6 wives, 0 chance of
either one of them ever becoming president of the United States." –Jay
Leno
6. "Herman Cain announced Saturday
he was suspending his campaign. He brought his wife with him, so apparently he
couldn't get a date. I guess he used up all his 9-9-9 lives. The closest he got
to the White House was spending the night at Ginger White's house." –Jay
Leno
5. "Cain blames a conspiracy by
powerful Democrats who are intent on destroying him for these various
allegations. I don't think you can blame the Democrats. I'm pretty sure they
were rooting for him in this particular case." –Jimmy Kimmel
4. "Authorities have discovered
what they call the most sophisticated tunnel ever found underneath the
U.S.-Mexican border, being built by a Mexican drug cartel. And Gov. Rick Perry
asked the question we're all asking: 'Why can't these tunnels be dug by
hard-working American drug cartels?'" –Jay Leno
3."Everybody's talking about the
presidential election. And this is big: Two days after stepping down, there are
rumors that Herman Cain is endorsing his former rival, Newt Gingrich. Not to be
president, but to be his new wingman." –Jimmy Fallon
2. "Cain says that he and his
wife...everything is fine between them. Though it's not certain this wife still
trusts him 100%. Like today Mrs. Cain called Michele Bachmann and asked if she
could pray him gay. Does it work that way? Can you pray a guy gay?" –Jay
Leno
1. OK, it's not exactly the same jacket. Close enough for
homophobia spotting. Too bad Perry didn't wear one of white Brokeback Mountain
cowboy hats, too. - OMG
David Letterman's "Top Ten Messages
Left On Rod Blagojevich's Answering Machine"
10. Hey, it's Conrad Murray. 14 years? I didn't get that for murder
9. This is your hairstylist. Make sure to condition after each delousing
8. Do you want the cell closer to the espresso machine or Jacuzzi?
7. Congratulations, I hear you're going to Vail. Wait, never mind
6. Hey, it's your cell mate. Do you like the top or bottom?
5. Sorry, I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach Todd Blagojevich
4. Hey, it's Dave. Tonight's Top Ten List is about you. Nice work
3. It's 2011, why do you still have an answering machine?
2. This is President Obama. I'm granting you a full pardon. Nah, I'm just
screwing with you
1. It's the warden. The inmates are asking how much you want for your seat
