10. "Out badass ninja black president did it again. Don't f**k with this guy. So far this year he's killed Somali pirates, he killed bin Laden, he killed al-Awlaki,, now he's killed Gaddafi. Today Obama was seen leaving the White House in a nurse's uniform on a flight to Cuba to smother Castro with a pillow…And you know what, if he did smother Castro with a pillow in a nurse's uniform, Rush Limbaugh would say, 'See, socialized medicine.'" –Bill Maher

9. "Michele Bachmann said she wants her three daughters to learn to shoot a gun. Mostly so they can put her campaign out of its misery." –Conan O'Brien

8. "The McRib is back. You know, I wondered what they were going to do with Gadhafi's body." –Jay Leno

7. "Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich said that next month they're going to take part in a Lincoln-Douglas style debate. The only similarity to the actual Lincoln-Douglas debates is that no one will watch them on television." –Conan O'Brien

6. "A Libyan rebel has admitted to killing Moammar Gadhafi. He said he shot Gadhafi twice in the temple, to which Michele Bachmann said, 'I didn't even know the guy was Jewish.'" –Jay Leno

5. "Michele Bachmann's campaign is in a lot of trouble. Five staffers quit her campaign, claiming it was because she treated them like second-class citizens. However, Bachmann said, 'That's not true. At no time did I treat them like gays or Latinos.'" –Conan O'Brien

4. "These Republicans, they will not give credit. They gave credit to the rebels, to the British, and to the French. But they would not mention the president. It was like they were on a game show and the password was 'Obama.' They're like the banks; they will not give a black man credit." –Bill Maher, on Gaddafi's death

3. "A bank in Washington was robbed by two men in George W. Bush masks. Luckily, right afterwards two guys in President Obama masks came and bailed the bank out, so everything is fine." –Conan O'Brien

2. "I'm guessing our soldiers are happy to be leaving Iraq. It is no fun being in a country where there's crumbling infrastructure and an ignorant population, but they said they're happy to come home anyway." –Bill Maher

1. "Michele Bachmann told reporters that she will lead the nation in prayer if she is elected president. You know if she is elected president, we all better be praying. She doesn’t have to lead us." –Jay Leno

 
David Letterman's "Top Ten Details of Rick Perry's Tax Plan"

10. Fifty percent tax increase for all guys named 'Mitt'
9. Hunting camps with offensive names are tax exempt
8. It's covered in rib sauce
7. Lets people choose regular tax, flat tax, or 'El tax muy caliente!'
6. It's called the 9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9 plan
5. The obese pay an additional 3 percent per chin
4. Free dance lessons (video of Rick Perry dancing with Orthodox Jews)
3. Not sure. Honestly, when this guy speaks I have no idea what the heck he's talking about
2. All tax refunds now go directly to the Chinese
1. Punishment for filing late? Lethal