10. "Bernie Madoff's
daughter-in-law, Stephanie Madoff, is changing her name. She says the Madoff
name is tainted with scandal and she wants a name with less negative
connotation. She is now known as Stephanie bin Laden." -Craig Ferguson
9. "Did you hear that Rush
Limbaugh's Manhattan penthouse is on the market for $14 million? It's an
amazing property. Over 4,000 square feet. And that's just the medicine
cabinet." -Craig Ferguson
8. "Hey, did you hear about
this story today? This is pretty wild. The FAA is investigating why a child was
allowed to direct air traffic at John F. Kennedy airport. You know this story?
... Authorities say they got suspicious when five of the planes landed at a Toys
'R' Us parking lot...Of course, the pilots were stunned. One of them said, 'Am I
still drunk, or is that a kid's voice?'" -Jay Leno -Jay Leno
7. "Now how
about this? Dick Cheney had his fifth heart attack. He's O.K., resting
comfortably. And the doctor, after they made the diagnosis, stamped his card
and the sixth one is free." -David Letterman
6. "I love the
biathlon. That's the sport that involves skiing and shooting the rifle. Or as Sarah
Palin and her husband, Todd, call it, 'date night.'" -Jay Leno
5. "I've been really busy. I picked up a gig in Las
Vegas at the Legends show, playing Tina
Fey." -Sarah Pali
4. "Keanu Reeves will star
in 'Speed 3.' The first 'Speed' was about a runaway bus, the second was about a
boat, and the third one is going to be about a Toyota."
-Jay Leno
3. "The truth is
though I'm glad I'm not vice president. I'm glad because I would not know what
to do with all that free time." -Sarah Palin
2. "President
Obama had his first physical exam as president over the weekend. The doctor
said he was in much better shape than the country." -Jay Leno
1. "But Obama's physical turned out great. The doctor said a couple of
things. He said: 'Cut out the cigarettes. Also, try to stay out of
Toyotas.'" -David Letterman
Sarah Palin jokes from her Stand-Up Comedy Routine on The Tonight Show