10. "Here's
big news: United States Senate reconfirms chairman of the Fed. Ben Bernanke was
reconfirmed. So he'll have the job for four more years. I just hope we have an
economy for four more years." -David Letterman
9. "Toyota recalling 2.3 million cars because of two
problems - unintended acceleration and possible brake problems. Things are not
looking good for Toyota. In fact, today, two crash test dummies refused to get
in the car." -Jay Leno
8. "There's a Goodwill store that's having an
anti-Valentine's Day donation drive where people can give away clothes that
belonged to their exes. I swear. In fact, tonight, I'm wearing one of John Edwards's old suits." -Jimmy Fallon
7. "'Don't
Ask, Don't Tell' could be a thing of the past, very soon. The chairman of the
Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral Michael Mullen, says he believes gays should
serve in the military, all gays, whether they want to or not." -Jimmy
Kimmel
6. "You know about this big Toyota recall? And things are dangerous, and
I'm coming to work in my car. Here's how scary it is. The navigation
lady was actually praying." –David Letterman
5. "And in Japan, they've developed a new green machine
that turns regular paper into toilet paper. You know, kind of what Wall Street did with the dollar. It's the
same thing." -Jay Leno
4. "You folks excited about the Super Bowl coming up
Sunday? And the New Orleans Saints' fans, I'm telling you, they have waited a
long, long time for their team to get into the Super Bowl. Not as long as they
waited for FEMA, but still, it's been a very long, long time." -David
Letterman
3. "Elizabeth Edwards announced that she and John have separated. So it
looks like it's not just Nancy Pelosi that's going to lose the house this
year." -Jay Leno
2. "Well, it seems John Edwards's mistress has gone to court to
get a restraining order against the release of a sex tape she made with John
Edwards. She says she's worried it will hurt her career. I thought her career
was getting knocked up by presidential candidates. Well, apparently, I'm way
out of line. But I don't care because this show has been canceled." -Jay Leno
1. "Well, the Oscar nominations were announced today, you guys. Best-actor
nominees included George Clooney for 'Up in the Air,' Jeremy Renner for 'The
Hurt Locker,' and President Obama for the 'State of the Union.'" -Jimmy
Fallon