10. "The only opponent to Afghan President Hamid Karzai has backed out of the planned recount. He's not going to be in the race. He says he wants to spend more time with his family and not get killed." -Jay Leno

9. "Reporters are saying President Obama has been skipping meals lately, and now photographs show he has lost a lot of weight. Folks, if this is true, then maybe Obama really has lost touch with the American people." -Conan O'Brien

8. "Some pictures of President Obama posted on the internet seem to show the President looking very thin. ... They say he looks too thin, but White House docs say not to worry, Barack Obama's one of those guys who can eat whatever he wants and still not gain weight. Yet another reason for Rush Limbaugh to hate him." -Jay Leno

7. "Former President Bush is in Japan, and he was met with protesters carrying signs that said, 'Arrest Bush' and 'Bush is a war criminal.' Yeah. When he saw the signs, Bush said, 'Thanks for making me feel at home. Appreciate it.'" -Conan O'Brien

6. "The Pentagon announced today, they have given the swine flu vaccines to every detainee at Guantanamo Bay. The detainees were like, 'Hey, whatever happened to closing this place?'" -Jimmy Fallon

5. "A year ago today, Barack Obama was elected president. It's been a year, can you believe that? Yeah. A lot's happened. Yeah. In one short year, Obama's slogan has gone from, 'Yes, we can,' to 'Wow, this is freakin' hard.'" -Conan O'Brien

4. "Now, why is there a swine flu vaccine shortage? You ever notice in this country, we never seem to run out of illegal drugs. You know, we should pay the guys who make crystal meth to start making this stuff." -Jay Leno

3.  "On Saturday night, the President and Mrs. Obama had a couple thousand kids at the White House and instead of candy, they gave out dried fruit. That's great. You go to the White House, you stand in a security line for three hours, they give you a bag of prunes?" -Jimmy Kimmel

2. "Hey, the health caree bill was introduced yesterday. It's 1,990 pages long and costs $894 billion dollars. Or $2.2 million per word. That makes them the most expensive words to come out of Washington since 'Mission Accomplished.'" --Jimmy Fallon

1. "According to a report on Edmunds.com, the real cost of the Cash for Clunkers program was $24,000 per car. Every car that was traded in cost us, the taxpayers, $24,000. How many would have rather kept your old car, just get a check for 20 grand from the government?" --Jay Leno