10.  "I've got a really strange story in the news about Al Qaeda. According to intelligence reports - I'm not making this up - the new standard procedure for Al Qaeda hiding explosives inside their rectum. Either that or they're playing a cruel practical joke on Ahmed. 'Are you sure everyone's doing this?' 'Yeah, go ahead, go ahead.'" --Conan O'Brien

9. "...But he really had the bomb hidden in his rectum. Here's my question. At what point in the planning of these attacks do they tell the suicide bomber? I mean you got these guys. 'OK, boss, I'm ready to be a martyr. I'm ready to die for my cause. Where's my dynamite vest?' 'Listen, Khalid, we've made some changes.'" --Jay Leno

8. "The former governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin, has completed her memoir, and it'll be in stores in November. So that's something to look forward to. A lot of people aren't taking her seriously. I've seen it. It's a big, huge book. But when you go into the store, you can use that big book to step up so you can reach a better book." --David Letterman

7. "Chicago, Illinois, wants the Olympics in 2016. Everybody is pitching in. Remember former Governor Rod Blagojevich? Even he's pitching in. He said if they send the Olympics to Chicago, he will throw in a US Senate seat." --David Letterman

6.  "President Obama says he will use all of his powers of persuasion to get the Olympics in Chicago. I thought, well, great. It's worked pretty well so far with his healthcare plan. Good luck there." --David Letterman

5.  "Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has a new book coming out. They say she finished the book ahead of schedule so they moved the release date up to November 17th. So, turns out she can finish something." --Jimmy Kimmel

4. "To give you an idea how much Edwards was fooling around, it turns out half the babies he kissed on the campaign trail were his." --Jay Leno

3. "Today's Yom Kippur and what that means is down in Houston earlier today former President George W. Bush got up early and started looking for Easter eggs." --David Letterman

2. "According to a new study out of the University of Chicago, participating in sports can make you smarter. That explains how these college athletes are able to graduate without even going to class." --Jay Leno

1. "You know what's exciting about this time of year, ladies and gentlemen? The new fall television season, huh? Yeah! Right here on CBS, premiere of a brand new show, highly anticipated show called 'The Good Wife.' You know what it's about? It's about the wife of a politician who cheats on her. Where do they come up with this stuff?" --David Letterman

Also Funny:

[+] NBC lets the F-Bomb drop once again...will the FCC take action?

[+] The New GM (Government Motors) Proudly Introduces the 2010 Obama