Arizona seems to be one of those states with a fixation on
bad drivers. Not only does it levy hefty speeding fines throughout the state by
way of speed cameras, it also charges people with “waste of a finite resource”
for driving faster than 55 miles per hour on a public highway. Lately, state
officials have been mulling new ways to stop drunk drivers in their tracks …
and to their credit, they’re putting everything on the table.
Or in a to-go bag, to be more precise.
Under consideration by the state has been a plan to allow
undercover cops set up shop in fast food restaurant drive-thrus to determine
whether motorists are out driving under the influence.
It is a pretty clever idea, this burger joint sting.
Undercover deputies from the Pima County Sheriff's Office could work the
drive-thru of the local McDonald's or Wendy's to look for telltale signs of
intoxication or impairment, such as slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, beer breath
… or being college students. The setup would be a more efficient use of police
time than random checkpoints, it seems, given the propensity for late-night
food runs. When the demographic most likely to drive impaired by alcohol or
other (ahem) recreational substances goes out to eat, it's usually going to be
at places that spend the lion's share of their advertising revenue targeting
that demographic.
Not to mention the fact that if you roll down the window to
get your order and they catch a whiff of some questionable smoke, you might
have just had yourself a case of the mandatory minimum munchies.
The fast food
DUI idea, frankly, could sustain an entire season of Cops.
But there are drawbacks too. One is that defense attorneys
don't think that there would be enough time or evidence to trigger the
“probable cause” necessary to make a traffic stop. (Being a jerk to the
drive-thru clerk is bad karmically but shouldn’t be a bookable offense.)
Another downside to the plan is that it encroaches
dangerously on business. Whether a particular fast food chain cooperated in the
plan or not could immediately affect the amount of burgers, fries, and shakes
it sells to its best customers. If a store refused to participate, it would no
doubt attract all the inebriateds and libertarians in town, leaving the others
to survive on the business of surly teenagers and people needing a Dr. Phil
intervention.
Not only that, having cops man the late-night windows would
likely put native or at least understandable English speakers in drive-thru
windows, thus depriving stand-up comedians of much-needed material in these
lean comedic times.
Overall, it's a mixed bag for the Gov on this one. We do
need a government that can look beyond traditional methods of detecting crime
and enforcing laws so that they can change along with technology and culture.
And simply be more efficient in carrying out their core duties. Apprehending
drunk drivers is certainly one of them. However, we don't need a government
that kicks around half-baked ideas that throw police enforcement together with
everyday business operations that inherently have nothing to do with the law,
and then leaks these ideas to the press when they're nowhere near confirmed
policy. Let's keep the ideas coming, but give them time to be crafted
carefully. Unlike the partyers in the drive-thru line, we’re not in a rush.
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